Q This year I am a sophomore in high school and am taking every possible advanced class. I am also in a quite a few extracurricular activities (including math and science team, student goverment, honors society, etc.). Since middle school, I have always been on the honor roll, but I didn't make it this semester. I feel so pressured by my parents, yet they tell me they don't expect anything! I know they do! They were so angry with me when I didn't make honor roll. They expect so much from me. My mom and dad are divorced (my dad lives in a different state) and they only thing they can agree on is how I need to try harder! What can I tell them so they don't expect so much? A Your parents are certainly sending you mixed messages if they have told you that they don't expect 'anything' of you academically and then show you anger when you miss honor roll for the first time since middle school. When parents behave like this, it can make a kid feel that the only time she is appreciated by her parents is when she gets high grades. This is the first time that their bright daughter was not an honor roll student. They are overreacting to your grades and have, unfortunately, made you feel horrible through their anger and insistence that you must try harder. They have not thought about the fact that you have challenged yourself academically by taking as many advanced courses as you could schedule. You have also involved yourself considerably in the extracurricular life of your school. You could have chosen to take easier courses and not participate in extracurricular activities, probably guaranteeing yourself better grades in the process. But that's not who you are -- you want to challenge yourself and not take the easy way out. I admire you for that choice and your desire to challenge yourself will always be an enormous asset in every aspect of your life. Overvej at skrive et dybtfølt brev til dine forældre, hvor du udtrykker dine følelser. Gør det ikke til en anklagende besked. Tal om, hvordan deres urealistiske forventninger forårsager dig en masse stress og spændinger. Fortæl dem, at du ikke vil have, at de skal elske dig eller være stolte af dig sygdom Når du opfylder deres forventninger. Det ville være bedst, hvis du kunne sætte dig ned med dem og diskutere dine følelser i fred.
Du har al mulig ret til at føle dig såret og skuffet over dine forældres følelsesmæssige reaktioner på din bog. Jeg er sikker på, at de tror, de gør deres arbejde, når de fortæller dig, at du skal arbejde hårdere. Skriv dette brev til jer begge for at få hjælp fra din rådgiver (og et andet betroet voksent familiemedlem) og fortsætte med at give næring til dit eget ønske om at lære og vokse. Giv mig gerne besked, hvis du vil. Jeg vil meget gerne høre, hvordan det går.
